Friday, 27 April 2007

What Does 'Gay' Mean to You?

I've come to the conclusion that the term 'gay' is an evolving one.
Forty years ago a 'gay old time' had nothing to do with same sex
attraction. My aunt in England married a Mr. Gay in the early 60's. I
remember her saying that when she first heard the term 'gay' refer to
sexuality in the early 70s that she thought it was 'an Americanism and
would never come here'. Over the past 30 years gay has definitely been
used to refer to sexuality. In recent times I think there has been a
change to this. I have recently heard young people (God I sound old!)
use the term gay in various contexts. This morning I was in atute group
for Uni. We were in groups doing presentations. The tutor was trying to
organise an order for us to present. One girl said her group didn't
want to go first because 'theirs was a bit gay'. I assumed she was
referring to the content of their presentation, although could not link
the two. I was speaking to someone at work this afternoon who said gay
was often used to refer to 'weak' or 'diluted'. That made more sense in
terms of the context in which it was used this morning. Part of me
feels that I should be offended, as it could be taken as a derogatory
remark. However I had no sense that this girl was using it with a
derogatory intent. I just wonder if gay is one of those words that is
ever changing and who knows what it will mean in 40 years? Am I being
naive or am I being realistic? I'd love some views of those younger in
years than myself, which is probably a good proportion of my
readership, but comments for those as mature as myself, or more so,
would also be welcome!

Thursday, 26 April 2007

The Biggest Loser

Now I admit to being into popular culture as much as the next guy. The latest for me has been The Biggest Loser (Australian version).
Now there have been many frustrating issues about the series and a lot of bitchiness and back stabbing going on, but I find the whole weight loss issue fascinating. There are a handful of guys who lost more than I weigh!!! Damian lost 74kgs!! It was interesting to see all the before and afters. Seeing the changes in the contestants tonight when they came out after, for some of them, many weeks since we have seen them, was amazing. They had lost a lot of weight in their faces and that made many of them look older. Quite a few of them looked very different around the eyes (something I take note of in all people!). In any other people I would wonder if they had had 'work done' around them, but I guess losing so much weight changes the whole structure of the face, and in particular, the eyes.
I hope they all keep the weight off. I just wonder if they will be able to maintain this loss. For all of them weight loss has been the focus of their lives for so long. That can't continue, so hopefully they will be able to integrate it into their 'normal' lives.
Good luck to them all.

Monday, 23 April 2007

The Missing Ingredient For The Perfect Weekend?

I had a great weekend, it was a good balance of work and play.
It started with Friday night drinks with Gaydar Date No. 4, which ended up with dinner, so a good night. Saturday morning was working at the Food Cooperative that I’m a member of and is on once a month. I had my son with me Saturday night. He ended up watching the football and I got stuck into an essay which has been hanging over me for a while and I seem to have had some sort of block. Perhaps the football inspired me (yes the TV and computer are both in the living room which goes
against everything ‘they’ say about having your own study space – but it worked for me on Saturday night) because I got on a roll and it all started to flow. Sunday saw me finish it which was a good feeling.
Sunday also saw coffee in the afternoon with GD No. 2. This was actually date no. 2 with GD No. 2. Hope you're keeping up!
I had just finished off my essay (all the fiddly referencing etc.) on Sunday evening and I felt like a bit o’ lurvin’ – so texted FB on the off-chance he might be free – and he was – so it was a lovely end to a full weekend.
I’m actually having fun with the whole GD thing. So far I've met four guys and while I don’t see the love of my life in any of them, there could end up being some ongoing friendships.
On Friday night it soon became obvious that GD No 4 wasn’t ‘soulmate’ material, but when I realised that, I found myself relaxing more and actually enjoying the night. I haven’t found the whole experience of meeting new people as stressful as I thought I might. Maybe this is the latent extrovert coming out in me!!
It is interesting that all four initiated messages to me. Any messages I initiated have not come to anything thus far! Hhhmmm…wonder what that means!! (Probably nothing – but I do like to analyse absolutely everything!)
I have to say some of the stress is finding the time for it all! With parenting responsibilities, maintaining existing friendships – oh and yes….study!!! It’s hard to fit everything in.
BTW - Have you heard anything yet Monty and DUP about the Penguins and OGP respectively?
Oh yes - and the missing ingredient?

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

Loss & Grief

I've come to realise and appreciate how much of a community we form in the blogosphere. Despite not having 'met' any other bloggers, I do feel like I belong to a supportive and interactive group. I know I have felt supported and appreciated advice given at appropriate times. I have also often felt moved as bloggers relay some of their story that has brought them to where they are today, being open about their feelings on their life. Much of it has come from the heart and much of it supported by erudite, graceful and descriptive writing. There are certainly some sleeping literary giants out there, perhaps in the throes of waking. So I must admit to feeling some loss when I suddenly no longer have access to a blog that I have been used to visiting. I suddenly feel cut off. There are two blogs on my link list that I can now no longer access. I say this not as a judgement of them, I have no idea why they are no longer accessible (I'm making an assumption it's not a 'computer thingy' because of the message I get), I just hope things are OK for them.
I just feel a loss - and where there's loss, there's grief.

Monday, 16 April 2007

Do Gay People Have Older Mothers?

Chatting over coffee the other day with two friends, a gay guy and a girl whose brother is gay, it came out (pardon the pun) that our mothers were all 40 when we, the gay guys, were born. Now a straw poll of three hardly makes for good research for a thesis, so tell me guys, who out there, in gay blogosphere had older mothers?
Of course, if there is some correlation (and I don't think we need to find a reason for being gay) and women are putting off mothering til later in life, then, it stands to reason, there will be an increase in the gay population in years to come! Hmmm, will the time come that we're not a minority?

Thursday, 12 April 2007

Cyberdating Update

Thanks for all your tips guys. I'm now a gaydar registree and have spent (too many) hours on the site. I've had one coffee (and a follow up meet planned), another coffee planned and a few back and forth messaging with others. So far it's been a positive experience. I'm going to have to be careful and organised so I remember whom I've said what to and what I've organised with whom! I also want to keep this in perspective and continue my life as normal. I don't know that I could keep up with Monty when he was in his slutty phase - but who knows!
I've learnt to read the profiles more carefully. When I met the guy I had coffee with, I was surprised that he was as tall as he was (about 6ft2). I realised that I hadn't taken note of his height, but assumed he was my height (5ft10) or slightly shorter, from his photo - even though it was only a head and shoulders shot. As we all know, photos posted on such a site don't tell the whole story! Mind you, neither do (supposed) facts! Anyway this surprising height was not a problem, it just highlighted the need (or not, if I do want to be surprised) to read the profile more carefully.
I am currently having some messaging ping-pong with a guy who doesn't have a photo posted. He initiated the contact and so far it's been fun and playful banter. He comes across as witty, funny and warm. I don't know if we'll end up meeting, but if we do I guess I should ask for a photo.
I often wonder what people's expectations are when they don't post a photo.
Anyway, thanks again for all your advice and support. I'll keep you updated.

Thursday, 5 April 2007

Help For a Virgin

OK guys, I need help. Following on from my last post, I've decided that I want a relationship and so I need to be more proactive in bringing this about. Now I know the argument about it'll happen when it happens and when you least expect it, but for me, right now, I need to go out looking. The problem is I've never done this before - I've never gone in search of a relationship. If something came a-knockin' I always opened the door, but I've never been proactive in seeking someone. So how will I go about this? I've decided to give the internet dating a go. This may not last, but for now, I have to feel like I'm doing something. I realise that I may have to go through 10, 20, 30 mediocre or less dates for every satisfying one date. I'm trying to be as realistic as possible. I'm trying to make my expectations as low as possible so I can only be pleasantly surprised. Now I know there are many internet dating aficionados out there, so what tips do you have for this 40 year old internet dating virgin?

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

Why Do I feel This Way?

I met a guy on the weekend. He is Australian but currently living in the UK and was in Melbourne for only a week (he works for an international law firm). We had great sex (it was an SOP venue - I have needs alright!!) and then a good post coital chat - the icing on the cake for me. He asked if I wanted his number and perhaps we could get together again during the week. Why not I thought. I knew it was going to have a definite end, so I wouldn't get trapped by the 'Is this going to go anywhere?' question. It would be pure fun. So we swap numbers. I get a text from him late the next afternoon, asking if I'm doing anything that evening. So I end up spending Sunday night at the Grand Hyatt in Melbourne, having breakfast there the following morning! It was a beautiful night. He was a beautiful man, both on the inside and the outside. I couldn't help thinking where this might go if he wasn't going back to the other side of the world in 7 days. I had to keep doing a fair bit of self talk to put this in perspective - it was just about fun for a week. He wasn't helping mind you, talking about maintaining contact even when he went back to the UK. Anyway, we made tentative plans for further catch ups. I was out to dinner with friends on Monday night. I rang him after I got back and got his message bank. The next morning I got a text from him saying he was in Perth and would be there for a couple of days before going home via Singapore. I was gutted! Now I don't understand the high flying nature of international law, but something of great legal importance obviously required a change in itinerary. I'm pissed off with myself that I feel so gutted. I kid myself that I had a week's timeframe in mind and I wouldn't have felt that way after a week, but because it was 48 hours it took me by surprise. So why do I feel this way? I reckon the answer is around ultimately wanting something lasting, I want something to build on, a relationship. Hmmm, I think I've been doing the 'It'll happen when I least expect it' for too long, maybe I need to be more proactive. Many of my one, two or three night stands are lots of fun and do have an emotional element to them, but I want more!!!