Tonight I was looking forward to catching up with a guy whom I could really only call a fuck-buddy. I've been seeing him on and off since late last year, although have only seen him a couple of times this year so far. I don't know that I 'do' fb's very well. I think I get too involved with people I have sex with for too long. Unless someone has turned out to become a partner, I've really only had sex with the same person probably no more than three times. This guy is different. I know in my head that nothing will come of it because of various factors in his life, but I find myself disappointed when I don't see him for a while or when (as tonight turned out to be) we organise something and he needs to cancel last minute. You see, I actually quite like the lad! Should I feel that way if he is only an fb? Should I just put an end to it? Emotionally I probably should. On the flip side, it provides me with fantastic sex intermingled with good conversation and general fun! I guess I need to weigh up the two and see if I can take the 'good' (great sex and good fun) with the bad (feeling emotionally drained when I see him and for a while following) because I know I really want more with this man but it can't happen. I have to say at this point that he has not promised me anything, I can't say he is stringing me along.
This raises the whole question of sexual needs. Casual encounters certainly meet a need and I've had some great and hot times with guys. Ideally though, I prefer sex with guys I know. So can I have sex with a guy and not become emotionally attached to him, not start to imagine spending the rest of my life with him? Do I feel that way because I've been hardwired in some Judeo-Christian way or is it because of the essence of who I am?
Maybe these questions will be answered in time - and maybe not? It has just struck me that fb (fuck-buddy) is bf (boyfriend) backwards!!
So tonight, instead of hot sex, I went to my yoga class which I've recently started. I was very proud of myself because I managed a headstand!!
6 comments:
Oh I SO know what you are talking about...going through the same thing with PC. I think I can't help but become emotionally involved with someone I'm shagging and so the whole concept of a F/B doesn't seem to work for me. Is it because we are still relatively newcomers to the gay scene? Perhaps it takes time to be able to have emotionless sex with someone on a regular basis!?! ...sigh...
I'm not one for the whole FB thing. I guess there's a slight romantic inside of me.
Congratulations on the headstand!
The FB thing is, for me, something a little more meaningful than the casual thing with strangers. The sex is heaps better, and breakfast is an option. Weirdly, I get more anxious about the implications of it becoming more. Perhaps I am relationship/commitment phobic...
If you "like" the guy than maybe it is more than just physical. Usually FBs are just about fucks..sex and physical stuff. There are rules..like only using text messages, not knowing what he does and not introducing him to your friend. If there's feelings involved...then...hmmm...
On Wednesday night a FB came over and everything went as usual until the dreaded pillow talk! da da daaar
He asked what he called a hypothetical question, which went a little something like this: "So, could you ever see yourself in a relationship with me?"
He pushed the question until i had to give an answer. I have a funny feeling i wont be seeing him again.
DUP: Oh dear - I think your FB failed fuck-buddying 101, or maybe he just failed Reading the Vibe 101. It may be alright to fantasise about a relationship with an FB (I should know!!), but he obviously didn't read the vibe well, especially as he had to push it! It sounds like it might be best for both if you don't see him again. I hope you've got one or two more FBs to call upon!
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