Reading NSSG’s blog on balance in relationships got me thinking, together with the situation my parents are currently experiencing. My mother had surgery on her foot last week, which means she will be off her feet for 6-8 weeks and therefore pretty dependant on Dad for most things. This is what she is finding most frustrating – not having her foot weighed down by a tonne of dressings, or managing the pain – but being so dependant on her partner of nearly 50 years! So why is this such a problem for her? What does equality in a relationship mean? Does part of being in a relationship mean there is a sense of complementarity? Not only practically, but emotionally as well? This is something that the individuals within the partnership move in and out of as well. There are going to be times when one individual is more dependant than the other. These periods may be short or long, but they need to be looked at as part of the bigger picture. Being human means we are dependant on others and others are dependant on us. Sure there needs to be an overall balance, but there can't be equality all the time. And all relationships are different because all individuals are different. What may work for one couple won't work for all.
Ultimately it's all about communication. If that is kept as open as possible, then misunderstandings and hurt should be kept to a minimum.
6 comments:
I'm thought provoking...
Here's another question to ponder. Do gay sons have a duty to take care of their aging parents? My straight brothers told me as I am gay..that's my job as they have kids?
You are indeed thought provoking NSSG!
Now there are two separate issues here. Are your brothers saying you will have to look after your (and their) parents when they age because you are gay, or because you don't have kids? These are not mutually exclusive states! Bottom line is neither of these states have an impact on what you HAVE to do morally or ethically. In the end it will come down to practicalities of things like time and inclination. I'm assuming that you and your brothers are all in the same city as your parents. If and when the time comes you need to do what you think is right and claim your life and it's demands as being as important as theirs. The needs of ageing parents can often begin or exacerbate the cracks in sibling relationships.
If worst comes to worst, you can do what my brother did and move interstate!
Why is equality the goal?
Some of the best relationships I know of have have someone with a need and someone who wanted to be needed.
I agree that every relationship must find its own ground. Perhaps it is my laziness about this work that keeps me away from them :D
You're right Paul, equality is not necessarily a good parameter to measure the quality of a relationship. The issue of the goal of a relationship raises a whole new subject!! Why do most of us want to be a part of an intimate relationship?
There is a big series of blog posts...
Indeed! A book. A thesis. A manual?! If only!
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