This doesn't quite explain how I feel at the moment, but I like the word so I thought it would be a good title!
I completed an essay recently and was going through some of my old ones to double check my referencing. When I was looking at the old ones I realised that I only did them last semester. It felt like at least a year ago. That was a reflection of how I'm feeling about study at the moment. It doesn't really feel connected to anything at present. I don't feel like it's leading me anywhere. I don't feel like I'm learning anything from it right now. I feel like I'm going through the motions.
At work I'm feeling a bit anxious about the project I'm working on. It's coming closer to the end (December) and I don't have as much of a sense of the end result as I would like. I guess I had hoped that I would end up with something solid and concrete that would make a major impact on the industry. That 'ain't gunna happen! It may be that I end up with more questions and answers, with yet further recommendations.
I guess I'm wishing for some more stability in my life, perhaps even some more direction. When I feel like this my natural response is to stop moving, to stop searching and just remain where I am and do very little...and yes, wallow a tad as well. Somehow I do end up moving on again, I feel the ground is stable enough to keep on in some direction.
Don't worry, this isn't major. I go through disequilibration from time to time. It's just uncomfortable for a homely cancerian like myself.
2 comments:
Hi Campbell,
Disequilibrated is a marvelous word! You’re put out of balance…hmm. Is there something more than your frustration about the project you’re not satisfied with at work going on in your life at the present time? You’ve mentioned in the past that you like things neat and controlled so your attitude towards your studies not being connected to anything you consider relevant might be another factor for the disconnection you’re feeling. Perhaps you’re got too many loose ends and not enough stabilizing influences (moorings). Idling in place like you suggested will no doubt help you feel anchored after a while and wallowing is fine as long as you know when to come up for air!
A lot of people experience disequilibration; it’s the wise ones that know how to handle it and learn something along the way…
Well summarised Miss L. I don't think I'll be in this place too long this time.
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