I work with a good bunch of people. Some have become close friends. There is one woman, K who has become a good buddy over recent times. We have some things in common about how we see life. One thing we have in common is an appreciation of good looking and cute men. We were having drinks last Friday night after work and commenting on many of the men in the wine bar.
The other week we were having a meeting in an upstairs open plan office. An IT guy from our larger organisation came up the stairs. I got this kick under the table from K who was sitting next to me. I have to say it hurt as the heel of her shoe hit my ankle! I also have to say that the kick was totally unnecessary as I had indeed noticed Mr. IT who had been in once before and is very cute. I can’t say our attention was totally on the meeting after that!
It got me thinking. If we were two straight guys ogling women would we be seen differently. Ogling is too strong a word - we admire from afar and in no way that the gentlemen in question would be conscious of - unless our vibes are stronger than we are aware! Anyway, the question is, do straight men have such a reputation when it comes to women that when there are two or more men gathered and their attention is on women that they are seen as boorish? Are assumptions made that aren't made when women's attention is on men, or gay men's attention is on men, or gay women's......well you get my drift!
6 comments:
Hi Campbell,
You’ve raised an interesting question in this post. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been in the work place or enjoyed a cocktail with girl friends at a bar. But, I’m not too old to have forgotten the boorish behavior of some men when they espy what they perceive as a “hot babe” or two or three. Please keep in mind that I’m not casting aspersions on all men nor am I stereotyping them…just making a few casual observations. I actually prefer the company of men to women because they’re not usually as catty and seem to be better grounded. My remarks are in no way meant to besmirch any male. That said…
I’ve noticed that men have a tendency to be like dogs. In a one on one situation they’re fine; friendly, pleasant and well mannered. However, get a few of the “guys” together and they resemble a pack of wild dogs…snarling and clawing and trying to become the Alpha of the group. They resort to adolescent posing and mentality when faced with a bevy of women whom they’re trying desperately to impress. I’ve often thought that if a mirror were held up so these men could see themselves as the women do, they’d stop their shenanigans quickly. The braggadocio that bubbles to the surface in a coterie of men can be overwhelming to the point of ridiculous, as well as the condescending attitude directed toward both the women and their buddies. I’ve see a lot of these same characteristics or traits later on when married couples get together. The men go off in one corner and start posturing and the women become tittering ninnies or airheads…and the cycle continues.
It’s going to be interesting to read some other opinions on this subject.
Hi Campbell,
When I give a straight guy the 'Nash stare' I often think of it as a kind of payback for all the women who've been ogled. Um, what was the question again?
Do you remember the first time you walked into a gay bar? Was it a nice feeling..? We are all sensitive human beings. Subtle checking out is cool, blatant is not.
Yeah..probably there is a double standard. But everyone perves! LOL
Miss L., Thanks for this response - I had to get my Aunt's dictionary out for a couple of the words!! I think there is often a group mentality when two or more are gathered which can exacerbate the negative. I had that men at one end women at the other end of the table experience at my son's tennis celebrations last Saturday night - I found it boring, among other things!
Nash - I'd like to see that stare!
Cutectguy - you're right, subtlety is cool in most aspects of life.
NSSG - Yes, we all perve - I reckon subtlety is the way to go.
Yes, we in our little group of friends have discussed this very topic a number of times.
I very much agree with Miss L for her comment on the fact that the group dynamic of men changes exponentially with the amount of men present.
As NSSG says, we all perve, I think it is only human nature that whomever you are, be it straight, gay, single, married etc etc we all look upon those of beauty and admire (and occassionaly have thoughties).
It is when a surreptitious 'perve' turns into ogling that debases the situation.
Sorry, I had to throw a few big words in... lol
Si
XOXO
Post a Comment