This time last week I was at a party for a significant '0' birthday for my ex-wife. I was aware that as the time approached I was becoming quite anxious about going. Many of the people who were going to be there, I had not seen since we separated. Her family would also be there en masse. Many of her friends (and her family) are fairly conservative Christian folk, so I guess I was wary as to how I would be greeted. I need not have been however, as everyone was very welcoming. The hardest part was arriving, after that it was fine. I was quite moved when late in the afternoon my ex-wife commented on how well I was doing and that she thought I was quite brave in coming. Another couple who were there who have remained close friends of both of ours also commented on how brave I was. It was nice to have it acknowledged that it was not an easy thing to go to, even if it did turn out that the hardest part was just arriving.
It's good to be reminded that for some things, the anticipation is harder than the actual event.
7 comments:
You know, I do that a lot - worry about things before they happen, and the actual reality is always far less benign than the anticipation. My old Nan used to call that "waste worry" and although I try not to spend too much emotional energy on this futile exercise, damn if it doesn't sneak up on me a lot.
I also think you are incredibly brave in this situation; I have a friend who was born with a rare intersex condition known as Incomplete Testicular Feminisation(now referred to as Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome) When he was born the doctors advised his parents to raise him as a girl even though their baby did not have any female sex organs. Long story, cut short - after a very miserable childhood and young adulthood, he is now confidently and happily living as the sex he feels he was born to and is fostering two fabulous teen kids. But, the first time he went to a family function (his family are very conservative Maltese people), as a man he was absolutely terrified - but things were far better than he ever anticipated, with his family accepting him with love and compassion. Nice story.
Sorry, that was a bit off track - but it takes guts and bravery to live the life that makes you fulfilled and happy, despite the risk of losing people you love in the process - and I guess that was my point.
Hi Campbell,
Congratulations on overcoming your angst in regards to attending your ex-wife’s birthday party. The genial atmosphere in which you were received obviously helped allay your apprehensions. It’s heartening to know that a group of adults can behave in a mature manner and not obsess on bygones. After you got past the nervousness, did you enjoy yourself?
Well done you! That would've terrified me! I agree with Litzi...it is nice to see adults behaving as such and letting the past remain in the past! Good on you and good on your ex as well! :-)
Great to have you back in the blogosphere Campbell. I enjoyed this post and look forward to reading more from you this year. (Isn't it good to have a break though!). Glad you survived the Christians - it's a big step forward...
Campbell attending his ex-wife’s birthday party was like Daniel being cast into a den of lions; he survived and triumphed! It’s reminiscent of Russell Crowe in “The Gladiator”...
Thanks for all your supportive comments. I think it does say as much about my ex-wife as it does about me.
Miss L., that is the first time - and I suspect the last - I have been compared with Russell Crowe!!
Hi Campbell,
Phew! When I compared you to Russell Crowe it was meant as a compliment (he’s HOT) but I was concerned how you’d take it…
Sometimes family (current or ex) can be like hungry lions waiting to devour a few Christians in the name of pious righteousness.
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