Following on from the previous literary post, over the summer I read Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion. It basically tries to dispel the existence of God from a scientific perspective.
I grew up in a culturally Christian family. Some of us went to church some of the time. From my teenage years I was at no point forced to continue to go. There was something that kept me there however. In the end it was just Mum and me who went, and I think Mum only went as long as she did because I wanted to go. I’ve always been considered the most religious in the family.
I’ve often wondered what kept me going to church. It was partly a personality thing. I was attracted to the ritual of it all, albeit a Protestant bent. But there was also a search element in it for me. I always felt there was something more that I was searching for. I dabbled in various aspects of the Christian faith, some very conservative. My faith was very important for me, even though I struggled with various aspects of it. I was very fortunate to be mostly involved with people who allowed, and even encouraged, intelligent questioning.
When I came out as gay, I guess I looked at many aspects of my life, not just my sexuality. So over time, I came to realise that I didn’t believe in God anymore. I don’t feel that I ‘lost’ my faith and I certainly have no bitterness or resentment for the time I spent in the church. For me it was a fertile context in which to explore some of the meaning issues of life. I realise it was the accident of birth that made me born into the family I was and hence started me off in the church, so maybe I would have done that searching anyway had I been born into a different context. It was also very supportive for me during my coming out process, for which I will always be grateful.
I can’t really explain how I went from a point of ‘belief’ to a point of ‘non-belief’. I don’t feel that I was duped for all those years. I don’t feel I was living a lie. I see them as important and valid years in making me the person I am today. Yet I feel quite sure in my belief that God does not exist. I still consider myself spiritual. For me that manifests itself in my connections with other people and the earth. I guess I’m an atheist in the true sense of the word. I don’t believe in a theistic being.
I think part of why I am so confident in my atheistic state is that I am more confident and trusting of myself and who I am.
....
I've just had a pleasant distraction, so lost my train of thought. I felt there was something more I was going to say but can't remember what, so will leave it at that.
2 comments:
Hi Campbell,
This is a very thought provoking post. Your having eschewed the rituals of formal religion for a more philosophical belief in love and respect for your fellow human beings and the physical earth is both practical and realistic. I wonder how many individuals are caught up in the ceremony but are unable or don’t attempt to absorb the dogma beneath the pomp and circumstance. For those who don’t truly accept the credos of religion, attending church is a crutch; it provides a comfort zone for their conscious. “I attend X church every Sunday; ergo, I am a ‘good’ person”.
Over the years I’ve seen innumerable people that profess to be religious behave inappropriately towards their families and friends. They may be dishonest in their business dealing with others. But come Sunday morning they’re in church to assuage their guilt (assuming they have any!). And the cycle continues throughout their life with no foundation or true understanding of their beliefs. You’ve acknowledged the fact that you’re a “non-believer” and aren’t a hypocrite. In my estimation, this makes you a better person than someone who gives lip-service to believing in God.
I haven’t been to church for eons, but I feel a connection to the earth and “something” when I’m in working in my garden. It’s my religion.
that was a nice post, campbell. i used to be heavily involved in my catholic church when i was younger, but i too have found that organized religion spends a lot of time in ritualistic "smoke and mirrors" when the message it needs to promote is simple and doesn't need all the fluff.
anyway, it's good that you have found your peace with man and the natural world as well as with your spirituality.
if only the rest could do the same.
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