My ex-wife is a good woman. We remain friends and have a very good co-parenting relationship. That is largely due to her. I have heard so many stories of men who have come out and then have a hell of a time trying to maintain some contact with their kids and that is due to their ex-wives. Now I know for my ex, my coming out raised a whole lot of stuff for her, not only in terms of her identity as a wife and the relationship she thought she was in, but also, coming from a conservative Christian background, there was the whole question of homosexuality itself. I don't know that any of that has been resolved (for want of a better word) for her, but she doesn't let any of those questions or doubts impede our relationship and more importantly she doesn't try to influence our son's views/opinions/thoughts on what it means to have a gay Dad.
We don't really talk about my sexuality and how that affects my life, and that's OK. I don't expect her to engage with that part of my life. I can imagine it may feel a bit like rubbing her face in it. However I have noticed a couple of times lately that she has made comments to me about good looking men in that 'sharing of appreciation' way that doesn't happen between straight couples. I was taken by surprise both times and wasn't entirely sure how to respond. I do find it a bit weird openly sharing an appreciation of the male form with my ex-wife. As well as the weird feelings there are also some warm feelings that come with it too though!
(The pic is of Ioan Gruffudd, one of the subjects of shared appreciation).
9 comments:
yes I am often busted perving at the pretty bois at the beach by my wife ! But no of it discussion follows.
It's great that you've been able to maintain such a good relationship with your wife! And it sounds like there's some resolution for your ex which is great! :-)
Hi Campbell,
Hmmm. I read your post a couple of hours ago and have been contemplating a response. From your wife’s vantage point, your “coming out” couldn’t have been easy to understand, but I should think she’d be grateful that you were honest in telling her that you didn’t want to continue with a lifestyle you were no longer comfortable in. By leaving, you allowed her to move forward with her life and perhaps find someone else if and when she’s ready to enter into another relationship. And I admire you for having the intestinal fortitude to speak out and change your entire existence. Were you scared and nervous when you informed your ex-wife about being gay and wanting to exit the marriage? Please forgive me if that question is totally out-of-line. It seems like such a momentous declaration would be difficult to tackle. Kudos to both of you!!
Perhaps your ex-wife is sharing her appreciation of good looking men with you as a method of bonding or a way to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. I’m in total agreement with both of you about Ioan Gruffudd; he’s smokin’!! Ah, who is he??
This is an excellent post! Thank you for sharing something so personal.
Agree with Miss Litzi.. think its her way of saying its OKay to discuss.. take it gradually and you may form an even stronger bond. Which can only be good for Campbell Jnr.
Thanks for your comments everyone.
Miss L., I was way beyond nervous when I came out to my wife. I use it as the benchmark of the hardest thing I have ever had to do in life. Compared with that, everything will be easy. Having said that, I knew that I really had no choice, so it wasn't a matter of bravery or courage.
Ioan Gruffudd is a Welsh actor, known. among other things, for the title role in the TV series Hornblower and more recently for playing William Wilberforce in the film 'Amazing Grace'. He does fit into the tall, dark and handsome category.
Maybe you answered your own question from the beginning. You & your wife are 'friends' Friends are always willing to share their fondness for eye candy, amongst many other things. I think it is great! And it could very well be a hint that she is accepting of your lifestyle! You have to give her thumbs up for not letting this come between you and child!..xoxo
Hi Campbell,
“I was way beyond nervous”; there have been a couple of times where I’ve felt exactly the same way. Those “unforgettable” occurrences do tend to become benchmarks for how we’ll judge all the other traumatic events in our lives. Now you can look ahead to the next 50 or so years as a “breeze” compared to what you’ve been through.
Thanks very much for the clarification on Ioan Gruffudd. Is that pronounced “eye-O-an” or Iowan (like the State)?? Quite unusual name…
Its welsh for Ian - miss litzi.
Thanks for the explanation, cutectguy!
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