In the Good Weekend (a magazine insert included in The Age on Saturdays and I think other papers around Australia) this Saturday was an article entitled Shades of Gay. It was about the role of gay people in public life and the perceived necessity by many of them to not be open about their sexuality for various reasons. It was a very thought provoking article which I would link here if I could. One particular paragraph caught my attention:
One of the problems...is that when it comes to thinking about homosexuals, heterosexuals have a habit of focusing too much on the sex. One of the reasons people don't come out is this. Heterosexuals are not imagined sexually by people who don't know them. Homosexuals are......Coming out means you have to tolerate being viewed in people's imagination actually f...ing. That is simply not the case with heterosexuals.
I think there is much truth in this about how gay people are perceived and what aspect of their life is focused on. Gay people have fought hard to be recognised as more than sexual beings. It has been argued that being gay is more than just about with whom we have sex. A whole culture has been created around being gay. This has been very important for many gay people, to feel that they belong to a community, that they are not alone. For many, their identity as a gay person is very much wrapped up in being part of this community, in fighting for their rights, in being seen as a distinct part of the wider society.
I have often thought about this. I have to say that if I had to answer the question "What is it about you that makes you gay?", I would have to say "The fact that I like having sex with men." That to me, is the only defining component of my sexuality. The rest is a social construct, which as such is very important, but is still only a social construct. I can see that this has the potential of me coming across as superficial, or perhaps naive. I agree that I probably am not political enough, that maybe I take advantage of all the good work done by others to make my life as a gay man easier than it might have been in years gone by, without contributing to it.
I guess in the ideal world who anyone has sex with wouldn't really matter (in terms of consenting adults) and therefore there wouldn't be a need for a gay community. But as we all know, this world ain't ideal and human nature will probably always require that minorities come together to create a 'culture'.
The article ends with a quote from an American senator:
If you want to live in a world where you can put a photo of your partner on your desk at work, put a photo of your partner on your desk and you will live in such a world. If you want to live in a world where you can hold your boyfriend's hand while walking down the street, then walk hand in hand with them down the street and you will live in such a world.
Is it that easy?
7 comments:
Not sure that it is quite that easy, but I think the world has moved, and we are getting closer to this goal.
Your thoughts are well written. Tell your son that even if he thinks you think too much, you are thinking good thoughts.....:D
I think it is that easy. I was on a date yesterday, we were sitting at a table next to the window looking outside into the beer garden.
My date asked if I would ever walk down the street or in a shopping centre holding hands with my partner. I said if we were in a long term relationships I would. I followed up my point in saying that Lesbian's do it all the time. They put it out there with their " I dont give a shit" attitude.
Then, out of no where two Lesbians sat down at the table on the otherside of the window. They were in there own world, not saying much, just looking into each others eyes. Then they held hands. I told my date, "thats what I'm talking about."
(and were were no where near Northcote or Prahran)
Hi Campbell,
Hopefully someday soon everyone will be able to judge their fellow human beings as unique entities and not have the obsessive need to categorize or sort them out by color, sexual orientation, religion, age, etc. I had hopes when I was younger that all the prejudice and bias that I observed in the world around me would diminish as the older generation and their biased opinions died off, but that doesn’t appear to be happening. The “social construct” you wrote about must be altered before people will begin to accept each other for who and what they are and cease judging others by some nebulous set of arbitrary standards.
A childish phrase that might be apropos is “mind your own beeswax”….quit worrying about what someone is or isn’t doing behind closed doors, because you just might be judged by the same nefarious standards that you’re applying to the world at large.
It’s a pity that a lot of people are unable to open their eyes to the wonderful qualities each and every one of us possesses.
Campbell, I am so with you in this respect...I don't really feel part of the "community" as such - I don't feel I have to adopt a particular lifestyle to fit in. (I think we've talked about this before) The only part of me that really feels gay is the fact that I like sleeping with guys. The friends I choose are similar to me, not overtly "gay", just regular guys. Maybe we are benefitting from the struggles of previous generations, but as YarravillePaul said, I do think we are gradually moving closer to achieving this goal. Hugs!
Yet another interesting post Mr C. I think in an ideal world it would be fine to act how our heart truely desires. None of the boys I have been involved with have ever done PDA - but then they are all older (I mean +5 or +10 years my age) and so good be deemed a different generation. That said CH now accepts Hugs and kiss on the cheek at airports, train stations and in public.. gasp. but its taken 10 years to get here.. yes Society has changed but your point is right in that Straight people tend to judge gay men by what we get up to in the bedroom.. and in a perverse way, the gay community also contributes to this debate by active use of Sauna's, escorts, bars, dark rooms and open flaunting of sexuality, open relationships, etc.. The question is are we also part of this "problem"?? (Btw I am NOT condeming the use of the above places...). Sigh. Maybe when your son grows up it will so accepted no one will ask questions...
Good post. I missed that article! damm...really wanted to read it!
I think being gay is more than just about enjoying sex with men. To me it's really more defined by the emotional connection with someone of the same sex. Sure there's sexual attraction as well, but that's not the whole picture. I think people visualise the whole sex thing for homosexual people as opposed to heterosexuals because it's still relatively new to them (ie most people aren't used to having openly gay people all around). The more exposure there is, he less sexualised being gay will be, unless of course we continue to portray ourselves as being purely sexal beings.
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